Someone tried to pawn a plane today. They wouldn't tell me where they'd parked it or take me to see it, just held up a pair of keys and said it was a "sessionica, you know, one of them little planes" (I assume they meant a Cessna?). Needless to say, I was not convinced. Now I know that everyone, everywhere except me has money problems, and that probably extends to people who actually own planes. But I somehow doubt that gentleman standing in my shop this morning trying to convince me that "sessionica" was a type of plane and that he owned one and wanted to sell it to me, actually did own a plane.
I'm not totally heartless though, he also had a bag of like, twenty year old CDs (I know, right? Who even has CDs anymore?) that I generously gave him fifteen bucks for. Among those was a copy of some Lady GaGa album from 2008 and let's, for a moment, discuss some of her lyrics (Don't judge me, I had to listen to them to make sure they were playable).
This one in particular I'd like to talk about: Money Honey (see what she did there with the rhyming? GENIUS)
The first bit goes something like this:
Damn, I love the jam, the jet and the mansion. (Oh yeah)
And I enjoy the gifts and the trips to the islands.(Oh yeah)
Its good to live expensive
You know it, but my knees get weak intensive
When you give me k-kisses
Now, the first part, those are all sentiments I can agree with. I too love jets and mansions and gifts and trips to the islands, Lady GaGa. It is good to live expensive(ly). But then there's a bit about her knees and kisses and here's where it gets confusing for me.
That's money honey,
Well I'm your lover and your mistress
That's money honey
When you touch me, its so delicious
That's money honey
Baby when you tell me the pieces
That's money honey
That's m-o-n-e-y...so sexy
Sorry, GaGa. Kisses =/= money. I mean, unless you're suggesting you're a prostitute, in which case, sure, money = kisses. Or unless she's saying that she only likes this mystery guy cos he's the one who bought her the aforementioned mansions and trips to the islands (sidenote: who is this guy buying people mansions because I would very much like to meet him).
She continues with more lyrics that start out promising:
Damn, I love the boat by the beach on the west coast. (Oh yeah)
And I enjoy some fine champagne
While my girls toast (Oh yeah)
Its good to live expensive
You know it but, my knees get weak intensive
When you give me k-kisses
Shit yeah, I love boats on the beaches and fine champagne, too! I can identify with these lyrics! But then there's that stuff about her knees again, I'm really thinking this guy is some sort of old school sugar daddy. GaGa, I'm not sure whether to be disappointed in you or give you a high five through time.
You know I appreciate
The finer things
But its not what makes me happy as baby (I can do without a thing)
The turn in loving is more than I can handle
Never burn out this candle oh baby...baby
Ah, there we go. Spelling it out for us. Apparently she doesn't really love all those things she mentioned, not as much as she loves this mystery guy ("the turn in loving", I'm not sure if that phrase is correct or even what it means and my mind is only going to bad places so I'll skip my interpretation of it).
Aaaand I'm disappointed, GaGa. You should've stuck out for the money. Instead you went and fell in love with your sugar daddy and now you're screwed. Emotional attachments are so 2008. Which I guess is appropriate though, because that's when this song came out.
That wraps up this segment of Jude Dissects Old Ass Lyrics (I'm thinking maybe a catchier title is needed?). In conclusion: all you little throwback hipster kids, I've got a shit load of old CDs that you know you want to buy!
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